I have no idea who Abraham Joshua Heschel is, but I like and relate to what he says: "When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people. "
My daddy was an astitute businessman who for many years created his own financial success, despite the legacy in his family tree of many generations of poverty and alcoholism and having finished only the third grade. As I was growing up, rarely a week went by when he didn't remind me to get my education and to work hard to learn whatever I could that would allow me to support myself as an adult. He esteemed education and intelligence almost above all else, and most of his praise to me dealt with my "performance." I knew I was loved, but verbal rewards were mostly reserved for "smart" things I'd done or good grades I'd achieved in school.
After high school, I attended college for about a year, then stopped to join the real "working world" and make money. Money ... woo hoo ... what every young person wants! A break that was supposed to take a year or two turned into several, and in those years leading up to finishing, I'd feel embarrassed whenever someone would ask me about it. To make matters worse, for nearly 10 years I worked among educators in a national non-profit organization - many who had an impressive assortment of degrees, titles and past experience - and who were constantly tossing about matters of intellect and analyzing the credentials, abilities and worth of others.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as like my dad, for most of my life I've admired intelligence above all else in others, probably because it was the primary value taught in my home. A close friend once asked me, "Have you ever noticed that when you talk about someone, you usually refer to their intelligence before anything else?" I had to admit I'd never considered it, but it sure gave me pause that day and long since. I certainly don't want my own children to feel that they are loved or valued primarily because they perform well ... academically or otherwise.
My opinion about the basis of others' worth has been a slow evolution, but one that also has helped me be less critical of myself.
An office colleague asked one day if I'd be willing to deliver lunches, once a week, to homebound people who lived within 15 minutes of our office. I didn't know it when I made my initial commitment to help, but the recipients of the meals were seriously ill men with AIDS. This was at the time when AIDS was barely being discussed outside of doctors' offices. Many of those serving regularly in this way alongside me were not folks I'd admired for their intelligence or ability to articulate great thoughts. What I began to see in these dedicated, non-judgmental people, and to DESIRE for myself, was the beauty, value and worth of kindness, compassion and humility.
Who is in or out in our society? IN: those with beauty, wealth, power, youth, education/intellect. OUT: those who are uneducated, infirm, sick, poor, old, plain, homely or disfigured. If you're in category one now, stop and consider that one day, for reasons beyond your control, you're likely to find yourself in the second group.
My list of heroes today is much different and shorter than it would've been when I was younger. At the top you'd find Mother Teresa and my mom. Folks who know that doing for others builds you up inside like nothing else. Folks who'd give you all they have because in giving, they receive much more. Folks who most likely would register much higher on EQ than IQ (emotional quotient vs. intellectual quotient).
May my life's pursuit in thoughts and deeds be for an ever-increasing EQ. And may I model before my own children kindness and love - the highest achievements of a life well lived.
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