Strengthening my EQ

I have no idea who Abraham Joshua Heschel is, but I like and relate to what he says: "When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people. "

My daddy was an astitute businessman who for many years created his own financial success, despite the legacy in his family tree of many generations of poverty and alcoholism and having finished only the third grade. As I was growing up, rarely a week went by when he didn't remind me to get my education and to work hard to learn whatever I could that would allow me to support myself as an adult. He esteemed education and intelligence almost above all else, and most of his praise to me dealt with my "performance." I knew I was loved, but verbal rewards were mostly reserved for "smart" things I'd done or good grades I'd achieved in school.

After high school, I attended college for about a year, then stopped to join the real "working world" and make money. Money ... woo hoo ... what every young person wants! A break that was supposed to take a year or two turned into several, and in those years leading up to finishing, I'd feel embarrassed whenever someone would ask me about it. To make matters worse, for nearly 10 years I worked among educators in a national non-profit organization - many who had an impressive assortment of degrees, titles and past experience - and who were constantly tossing about matters of intellect and analyzing the credentials, abilities and worth of others.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as like my dad, for most of my life I've admired intelligence above all else in others, probably because it was the primary value taught in my home. A close friend once asked me, "Have you ever noticed that when you talk about someone, you usually refer to their intelligence before anything else?" I had to admit I'd never considered it, but it sure gave me pause that day and long since. I certainly don't want my own children to feel that they are loved or valued primarily because they perform well ... academically or otherwise.

My opinion about the basis of others' worth has been a slow evolution, but one that also has helped me be less critical of myself.

An office colleague asked one day if I'd be willing to deliver lunches, once a week, to homebound people who lived within 15 minutes of our office. I didn't know it when I made my initial commitment to help, but the recipients of the meals were seriously ill men with AIDS. This was at the time when AIDS was barely being discussed outside of doctors' offices. Many of those serving regularly in this way alongside me were not folks I'd admired for their intelligence or ability to articulate great thoughts. What I began to see in these dedicated, non-judgmental people, and to DESIRE for myself, was the beauty, value and worth of kindness, compassion and humility.

Who is in or out in our society? IN: those with beauty, wealth, power, youth, education/intellect. OUT: those who are uneducated, infirm, sick, poor, old, plain, homely or disfigured. If you're in category one now, stop and consider that one day, for reasons beyond your control, you're likely to find yourself in the second group.

My list of heroes today is much different and shorter than it would've been when I was younger. At the top you'd find Mother Teresa and my mom. Folks who know that doing for others builds you up inside like nothing else. Folks who'd give you all they have because in giving, they receive much more. Folks who most likely would register much higher on EQ than IQ (emotional quotient vs. intellectual quotient).

May my life's pursuit in thoughts and deeds be for an ever-increasing EQ. And may I model before my own children kindness and love - the highest achievements of a life well lived.

Enough Already!

What does it mean to live simply? What does it mean to have enough? Why is it that in theory I like the concepts of living simply and having just enough, yet time and again, I'm pursuing more or providing more for my children?

I go to sleep and wake up with images of the recent Haiti earthquake victims in my head. As I laid down last night on my comfortable bed in my safe home, I gave thanks and asked God to please hurry and provide for those hurting in Haiti and around the world who have no place to sleep. As I poured my coffee this morning and chose from a variety of cereals and breads for my breakfast, I gave thanks and once again prayed for God to provide for his hurting Haiti children. I have more than enough and the sad fact is, my family often wastes the overflow.

Gandhi said, "Live simply so others may simply live," and the Bible concurs, advising that we're happiest if we don't have too much or too little money. If we have too little, we're constantly struggling and doing things that may not be good for us or our families so that we can eek out a living or provide for true needs (food, clothing, shelter, medical attention). Too much money, and we tend to focus on it and what it can buy, how to get more, and how to keep and protect what we do have. My former pastor once said the saddest family he'd ever met lived in a mansion behind a gated entrance and had every convenience that money could buy, yet the couple was divorcing and their children were estranged.

Four years ago I paid too much for an 8x10 color photograph of a sandal-shod, arthritic foot (seen above), which as you can imagine, my family prefers I hang only in the laundry room ~ for my own weird, personal enjoyment. Ok ... so it's NOT something that delights the senses or a thing of beauty around which you'd build a decorating scheme, but it was - at the moment I saw it and still continues to be - an important heart message to me. The leather of the shoe is frayed in several places, and the sole looks uneven and worn. The book in which I first saw the photo says that when she was offered a replacement pair, Mother Teresa of Calcutta refused - instead having the old sandals repaired again and again. She felt she had enough. What an example! I had mixed admiration and shame when I first saw the picture, and it haunted me until I had a larger copy of it as a reminder.

Like many people, even with head knowledge of being blessed and having more than enough, I still struggle with "acquisitionitis." Our lack of discipline in this area as a family, though, puts financial limits on what we realistically can do to help others here at home and around the world because we have not yet internalized "enough." Yes, we give to our church and charities that are dear to our hearts, but we could be doing much more. And for every person or family, what we're called to give or sacrifice is different or may change over the course of a lifetime. It certainly has changed in my own mind for my own family over the years. Only a close walk with the Holy Spirit will tell us what is required of us.

In "The Things We Leave Behind," Singer Michael Card writes, "Every heart needs to be set free from possessions that hold it so tight, and we can't imagine the freedom we find in the things we leave behind."

Today I'm longing for that freedom and the heart knowledge of "enough" that finally translates to action in all areas of our family life.

Quotes & Me

I love a good quote ~ on pretty much any topic ~ that zings a truth or a thought to ponder my way. It's ok by me if its source is someone influential like a past president's wife giving advice on real success (Jackie Kennedy Onassis ~ "If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much."), or if it's a make-believe character in a kid's movie affirming his daughter who's just failed an important social test (Mulan's dad ~ "My, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. But I'll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all"). I hope you'll stop in from time to time and think awhile with me about the quotes I choose to share here with you. And please, tell me some of your favorites and why they speak to you!